there is something on my pantleg...

and I literally have no idea what it is.  I think it may be a prune/sweet potato combination but I can't be sure.  How it found its way to my pants, below the knee, I cannot say.  I need to wash these pants anyhow, since I've worn them for at least 10 minutes around the baby - such is life and our now never ending laundry.  Prunes were messy today.  We got prunes in our hair, behind our ears and even inside our ears.  I'm sure I haven't seen the last of the prunes. 

I haven't showered today, but I'm fairly certain I showered yesterday.  I must have showered yesterday because I still have some makeup on today that I put on yesterday (oops).  It's irrelevant.  The baby is sleeping.

About that sleeping baby - this sleep training thing isn't for the weak, let me tell you.  I'm reading and practicing from the book, Moms on Call.  And yes, it does advocate some crying it out (CIO for the crazy, abbreviating, don't-have-time-to-type-whole-words mom community) and though I never thought I'd be one to let my baby cry, I found that I was becoming a slave to my baby.  This led to severe lack of sleep on my part and mini meltdowns (me and the baby) almost daily.  It wasn't working for us, which is the important and personal part of this.  And while I hate to hear my baby cry, I have learned something from the process.  The kid just does not want to go to sleep!  When I put him in bed, when he knows he's supposed to go to sleep, he cries.  Not because he's not tired - because most of the time he surely is - but I really think he just doesn't want to sleep (unlike mom and dad).  Last night, we literally had to wake him up to get his diaper changed and get him a bath and get him to eat one last time before bed and STILL when his little head hit that mattress he wanted to cry about it.  Thankfully, it was a short one - less than 5 minutes. 

I know that I may very well get some flack for letting my baby cry and being a terrible mom and blah blah blah, but thankfully (weird to be thankful for this), I don't believe I have many followers on this blog at the moment.  I honestly don't know how most of my friends/acquaintances feel on the whole subject of parenting so I could be surprised but hopefully as people that know me, they would at least be kind.  Something else that I've learned from being a mom is that some moms are really mean, really big bullies.  I think it's another one of those things that because so many of these groups are formed online, we naturally have a barrier of being anonymous and therefore can just bully whoever the heck we want to.  It can be awful.

I'm a lurker on these mom message boards - I rarely post anything because I really don't think people care that much about what I have to say since I'm not a regular poster and people don't "know me" but really, some of these moms are just mean berating new moms for choosing to try and make their baby fit into their lives as opposed to creating this whole new world that revolves around this little human.  And to that point, some of the other moms are plain ignorant, posting questions about what size diaper they should get for their baby when it is printed clearly on the packaging and all they really need to do is learn to read.  The biggies on the boards are CIO, vaccinations and let's throw solid food out there as well.  I'm not even going to touch on vaccinations right now except to say that I choose to vaccinate my child and that I trust the opinion and guidance of my pediatrician. 

It's like the internet has made all of us doctors sponsored by Google.  I honestly don't know how some of these moms have the time to do all of this research to try and disprove modern medicine.  But alas, I'm the one that hasn't showered today, who's updating my blog. 

So back to this whole CIO thing - as much as I hated it at first, I do actually agree with the concept.  The kid needs to know how to get back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs to know how to get to sleep in the first place without me rocking him.  I know, hard lessons for a 6 month old, but harder, I would venture to argue, when they're old enough to talk back to you.  Think on that one for a few minutes. 

We've been at it for a little over 2 weeks.  My book told me that in 3-5 nights, he'd understand the schedule and would no longer be waking up at night.  Well, we've had 2 nights, yes 2, where this has happened so far and each has been both glorious and surprising.  As stated earlier, we have yet to put him in bed with the knowledge he's going to bed and have him be happy about it, but the screaming is lessening.  Mind you, we did test the theory one night last week.  Mid scream-fest I went to pick him up and try to burp him to see if maybe he really was just gassy.  The crying stopped immediately and there were no tears to speak of.  Well played, Mr. Prune Face.

I'm more hopeful this week, than I was last week and getting better at making my own baby food - more on that in a future blog, I'm sure.  But, I think that's all we can ask for sometimes as parents - better now than it was.  We'll get there, and we'll figure it out.  Until then, I do truly believe that not getting everything you want all the time (being held all the time, not taking any naps) is a lesson that even a 6 month old can benefit from. 

It's Not a Party Until Someone Gets Diaper Cream on Their Foot

and nine times out of ten, it's not me.  I think that thought quite a lot, because it seems to happen quite a lot with an oh so wiggly little baby boy.  He's so darn cute, I can hardly get mad.

I really don't know what it is.  I don't know if our moms just had it more together than we do or if this too shall pass but I'm envious of moms that do their hair every day - my husband is probably envious of their husbands as well.  Heck, I'm lucky to have matching shoes on when and if I leave the house.  Actually, let's say that I'm lucky if I'm wearing real shoes and not my Crocs.  I purposely purchased bright pink Crocs to wear around the house so that I would be less likely to wear them out in public.  The first two times, it was in all honesty, completely by accident - I was already in the car and down the road before I noticed I was still wearing rubber shoes, but then the last time, I just embraced it and threw on a pink sweater and acted like I tried to coordinate it.  Yes, I'm embarrassed.  But I just pointed my ponytailed head down and went about my business as quickly as possible.  That's how a lot of things seem to need to get done these days - as quickly as possible.  You never know how much time you're going to have until the baby is all up in everything again.  As I type this, I'm both impressed and relieved that I still have some typing skills after being a slave to both my iphone and iPad in recent history instead of a real computer with a real keyboard.  Bonus.

And it's possible that it's just me and I'm the only one out there that doesn't have it together with a 3 month old but I'm writing this in hopes that I'm not the only one and that at least one other person can relate.  It's a good day because I both showered and I'm wearing jeans for when Nishant gets home.  Granted, I'm wearing my Crocs but they are meant to be my shoes for in the house.  I haven't done my hair because the baby started crying before we could get that far but I'm hoping to finish jotting down my thoughts and still have time to spare to brush and ponytail.  That's something, right?

Up until about a week ago, we had a happy baby that slept through the night - while we were traveling up and down the country, on a 1500 mile trip, I might add. 

Mid-feeding at a Wendy's somewhere in VA maybe? 

We came home and transitioned him to his crib, which is upstairs, where our master bedroom is downstairs, and we have yet to have more than 1 consecutive night of no interruptions.  And when I say that, I'm pretty sure the only night without incident was the first night, but at this point, I can't even remember - maybe we didn't do it that night either.  I really can't tell if we're getting better or if we remain the same in the sleep category.  And I'm exhausted.  I had thought that by now I'd be used to the lack of sleep and be able to function but it seems like I'm reverting back to needing a solid 8 hours (heck, at least 6) to function properly and happily.  It's been a rough week and I'm tired. 

And it's 4:12 - the good wife would be downstairs starting preparations for dinner but I really felt like getting my thoughts down was more beneficial to me in my current state.  At least I planned 2 of the 3 planned meals for this week.  Meals - that's a whole other issue.  I was on a post baby diet for a hot minute - and I mean a hot minute.  I have figured out that I have no idea how to eat anymore.  Pre-baby, I was planning a wedding and was trying to stick to as close to 1200 calories as possible and through pregnancy I just ate what I wanted.  As a new, breastfeeding mom, I'm terrified of not getting enough calories and my supply dropping so I'm sort of just eating whatever the heck I want to all over again.  And then, I feel bad about being fat and do some comfort eating to add to it.  Ugh.  I tried to do a 10 minute workout the other day - yup, just 10 minutes, and only got through about 4 minutes of it before the baby started screaming.  Cherish the naptime.  You NEVER know how long its going to last, which brings us full circle to doing everything as quickly as possible.  I hear a baby waking up...

The Baby is Sleeping

A mom friend recently told me to never get too used to things that the baby is doing because good or bad, it will change. I smiled and nodded because at the moment, my 5 week old was doing something damn near close to almost sleeping through the night (as in only waking up once or twice as opposed to every hour and a half) and then as if he sensed my comfort level with him and with my sleep, it stopped just like that. Ugh. And we went on like that, with no notable pattern, for a good week. That's what I get for bragging about how awesome my kid was. Lesson learned. 

And now here we are with still a bit of a fussy baby. Nishant thinks he has colic, and I really think that he's just a baby, although he does seem to get more fussy at night time, especially when we're just ready to relax and watch some tv. This usually leads to one or both of us asking the baby why he has to be such an a-hole. Nishant will turn off the tv, throw the remote, pick up the baby and "fly" him around the house and Ayden quiets down almost instantly and even looks content, lol. The daddy airplane has at least a 95% success rate, as long as it does not make a landing. And again, the little guy is just too cute to be very mad at. 

These are some things I did with my fussy baby today, since he doesn't seem to want to be put down:

- I picked him up and rocked him, naked. I was naked, he was wearing clothes. I was just trying to take a few minutes to myself and take a shower. I wasn't even trying to wash my hair, just take a quick shower and get mostly clean. After a few minutes he closed his little eyes, I was able to out him back down and into the shower I dashed. 

- I put moisturizer only on the parts of my face that felt the driest because I was doing it one handed and that was all I could muster as the baby started making a frown face. I'm pretty sure my right arm is stronger than my left from all the baby cradling and one of these days I'm going to be better at doing the rest of my life left and single handed. 

- I sat on the floor in the laundry room with the baby in my lap so that I could transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer. The stinker looked up at me and smiles and then closed his eyes and went to sleep. 

I don't know if our feedings have been off today or what but both sides of my shirt have gotten big round wet marks at different times. Not that I needed an excuse to want a shower but that certainly added to it. 

A few weeks ago, we had some guys coming to the house to work on our vent hood. We were in the middle of a feeding and my phone rang and the guy said, "Uh, ma'am, this is so and so from such and such company and I see in my notes here that we were supposed to call when we were on our way but, uh, we're actually sitting outside your house. 

I answered the door like this, looking like I had just rolled out of bed because, hey, we had:

Now, had they called, I probably only would have changed from pajama pants to my "fancy" black sweat pants and brushed my hair (and my teeth for that matter) but it still would have been an improvement. Oh well. Just another day. I'm a mom. 

the hardest month of my life

Babies don't come with instructions. Not only do they not come with instructions, but the available information on them is endless. There are no less than 20 opinions on the absolute best and only way to raise a happy, healthy, smart child who never cries and always sleeps through the night. All along, I've been overwhelmed and just hoping that some maternal instinct would kick in when the time came. I think it has.  Now, that doesn't mean that I haven't cried in the middle of the night while asking my screaming baby why the hell he is crying. Nishant considered that the night I "almost lost it".  I'm sure we'll probably cry together again at some point but for now, I'm feeling like we have it together a little bit and he seems to be doing just fine. 

I swear, the hardest month yet of my adult life was the first month of my son's life and it's taken me almost a week to get this out in writing.  I think almost every day about some funny quip that I can use for a blog and then I get involved with feeding, changing diapers, maybe getting a shower, not getting a shower and trying to make it look like I had a shower, making time to eat something, make the bed, etc.  It's neverending.  This is his one month picture. 

Here are some of the high points:
- I get peed on a lot, maybe not once a day, but sometimes twice a day - maybe it averages out to 3-5 times a week?  And yes, I know to cover it with a diaper but there's only so much covering you can do and at some point, you have to uncover it to dry a bum and put on diaper cream and then put a new diaper on.  Bonus is that I think I'm starting to see the signs that he's about to do it and can try to plan accordingly.  I deflect it with a new closed diaper (not the preferred way - no way to control the deflection and then he ends up with pee all over), a cloth diaper or my hand which, due to my lack of preparation, usually results in also having pee on my shirt and on the floor.  He pees a lot, and with force!  The poop blowouts have been controlled up to this point just by placing him on a cloth diaper on the changing pad, but we have had our share of blowouts and have our fair share of stained diapers to show for it.

- I am so tired that I have dreams about taking naps.  In the middle of the night, I wake up in a panic.  Scratch that, the middle of the night no longer applies - it's all just a mix of feedings and 2-5 hour breaks between.  Anyhow, in the middle of whatever nap I'm taking, I wake up in a panic thinking I fell asleep during a feeding and start patting down the bed, looking for the baby. Then I realize that he's safe in his bed and the lights are off and all is right with the world and ready for the next feeding. This happens at least 3 times a week. 

- My boobs are huge. They are the only thing keeping me from wearing my pre-pregnancy tops. They're huge and they're leaky. Some days, I'm lucky enough to have not only a milk stain around my nipple but also some type of pee stain in some other area on my shirt. If I'm not leaving the house, I really have no reason to change since either scenario may very well occur again in the next 2-5 hours. *sigh*

- I tried to do some push ups the other day and realized I have no current arm or core muscles to speak of. It's like starting from scratch and it is way uncomfortable. I know it's inevitable but I'd really rather not do that again. But I would also like to wear my non-elastic jeans again at some point. I tried some on for fun the other day but I was wrong.  It was not actually fun at all. I'm glad we're in the middle of the holidays. At least I can ease the pain with a glass of wine, now. :)

You Did What with Your 4 Day Old?

We took him to the ER. Being a new parent is tough. Understatement of the century, right?

Night 1at home was tough enough. Ayden was waking up every hour wanting to eat. Oh, but before then, I had been trying to breast feed before bedtime and the little guy was a little over aggressive and made my nipple bleed, like, a lot. Christ. 

So then after that, we were up every hour either using formula or the non bloody side of the boob buffet. So I was a little tired. 

During the day, that little turkey went a minimum of two hours between feedings. I had a feeling we were on the upswing. Sunday night, early Monday morning, every time Ayden woke me up for a feeding, he was wet, like sweaty, like wet enough to make a wet mark on the sheets and need a new outfit and blanket. Naturally, thinking he was overheating, we kept trying different kinds of outfits and different layers trying to get his temperature right. At around 4 am, it was the same story and when I took his little socks off, his feet were ice cold. So, I called the after hours line for the pediatrician and she asked what his temperature was. After telling me that our baby ear thermometer was not an accurate way to measure a baby's temperature (thanks for making this product and enticing me to buy it, by the way), we had to bust out our regular digital thermometer and stick it in the little guy's bum. And then our batteries must have been low because I swear it took a good 3-4 minutes for it to read. And sticking the thermometer in his butt made him start pooping. Quite the comedy at 4 am. 

We finally get a reading of 96.4 and she tells us that we need to go ahead and go to the ER.  Tells us to tell them that we have a newborn with a low temperature to make sure they don't put him around other kids. Long story short, they bundled him all up and ran a bunch of tests and everything came back normal.  I think by the time we got there, his temperature was already on the upswing and was tested again before we left and all was well with the world. Even with getting his little baby IV, I cried more than he did. He was a trooper. 

We had our first visit with Ayden's new pediatrician the next day (or I suppose it was the same day) and he was finally able to tell us what all he should be wearing to sleep and that babies sometimes sweat and not to worry, which would have been much more helpful to hear when we called the first time. 

Oh well, better safe than sorry!  I'm sure I would do the same thing all over again if given the opportunity and it seems as though he is getting better and better every day - at everything - eating, sleeping, and we've already had multiple projectile poos. 

This new job I have may have some pretty rotten hours but I'd say the payout makes it all worth it. 

A Baby Story

Oh my, what a crazy few days!

Our baby boy, Ayden Nishant Desai, came on Thursday, September 26th at 38 weeks, 3 days, so about 10 days early. I was scheduled to have an OBGYN appointment at 9:30 and just had a funny feeling that they would tell me to go ahead and go to the hospital. I just felt a little off. 

We went to bed and I woke up around 1:15 with some severe cramping. I went through a few and then started tracking them and they were lasting around a minute and were around 5 minutes apart. My mom had a very short labor when she had me so I was very conscious of paying attention to what was going on. I let the contractions go for about an hour and then woke up Nishant and told him I was going to call the doctor. He bolted out of bed, washed his face, brushed his teeth and went to let the dogs out. He was almost dressed before I even got in touch with anyone at the doctor's office. Since it was the middle of the night, I spoke to someone with the answering service and it took about an hour to get them to call me back. At that point, I was dressed and ready to go to the hospital, regardless of what they told me. The midwife I talked to told me it was up to me but that since I wasn't very far along the week before, I probably had plenty of time. Again, due to family history, I told her that I was coming in. 

By the time I got to the hospital around 3:30 in the morning, the same midwife I talked to was surprised to tell me that I was indeed in active labor and already 7 cm dialated. I gave up any idea of a natural birth and requested the epidural immediately. It was a little bit of a waiting game and I even got in a little nap, but by around 10 we were ready to go and Ayden came into the world with a little cry at 10:21!

He had a very adventurous day 1 and wasn't really feeling the whole breast feeding thing by day 2 and got a little jaundice. He had to spend about 12 hours as a little glow worm. 

After supplementing with some formula, and getting some assistance from at least 3 nurses, he was doing a lot better and got to come off the light blankets!

By 6 pm on Saturday, we were all set and ready to go home. 

Of course we are all adjusting but we are so in love with our sweet boy, even if he wants to eat every hour in the middle of the night and sleep all day! It's a good thing he's cute!

Does this require real pants?

That's the main question I find myself thinking each day when I think about all the things I have to do.  And I have to say, at 37 weeks, 4 days pregnant, almost always, the answer is no.

I have these old baggy sweat pants that I bought in college - I've always been swimming in them - I'm not going to say that they're tight, now, but they're not nearly as loose as they used to be.  They are grey and I have to say that they go pretty nicely with all of my colored maternity shirts from Target.  They also just about flood over my shoes so that you can't tell I'm wearing my beat up J. Crew flip flops that, besides tennis shoes, are the only shoes I really want to wear, right now.  And even those flip flops make lines on my swollen sausage feet.  And I do have a few dresses that I could wear, but then I have to worry about being judged for having my flip flops in full view...right, because I'm not already being judged for wearing these pants out in public.  At least I draw on my eyebrows and touch my lashes with a bit of mascara.  Could be worse and way scarier, if we're being honest.

Ha, what an awful picture - look at that giant belly and those poor little feet.  Ah, pregnancy. :)

For instance, today, my main goal was to make it to the dry cleaners to do wife duties and drop off and pick up some shirts for the husband.  Definitely did not require real pants.  Even if I had added on a trip to the grocery store, still wouldn't have been reason enough for real pants.  In fact, had I gone to the grocery store, I would have made a point to buy some ice cream (and hey, maybe pickles, even though that's not something I'm craving) just to look more desperate in my pregnant state to be able to get away with such things as not wearing real pants.  Everyone loves a pregnant lady, right?

These are what I have found as reasons to wear real pants:
1. Doctor's appointments - so that they don't think I've given up on life
2. Out to dinner - not that we're going to fancy places but I think even Panera would frown on sweat pants - at least I used to frown at people in sweat pants at Panera, but hey, maybe I'm a little judgmental
3. Errands - I know that I didn't feel as though the dry cleaners and the grocery store required real pants but if I've got a list of places I need to go, I at least try and look like I have it together.  I am well aware of "the people of Wal-Mart" websites and emails going around but just because I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I should appear on that list (not that my sweat pants alone would warrant such a thing, but still). 

While we're making rules here, I do have to say that I've been out a few times without makeup and as someone who hardly EVER does that, to all you other pregnant ladies and moms with young children that do such a thing on a regular basis, I get it, now.  However, I would also like to say that the times I was out without makeup, one of those times I was in work out clothes (and probably showing my belly to strangers which surely distracted from my face) and the other time, I was wearing real pants.  Sometimes you have to sacrifice one for the other. 

I already know tomorrow will be a real pants day because I'll be out with Nishant and I don't want him to be embarrassed.  Might as well savor today for all it's worth and revel in the sweat pants!