Oh, Eat a Dick

Do people still say that?  Did people ever really say that?  It's kind of rude, right?  Let me start by saying that I'm really not trying to be rude.  Really.  Not at all.

I'm a busy mom and somehow, almost every week, meal planning gets the best of me.  I am literally surprised, each and every Monday, that it's Monday and that suddenly I have no plans for dinner for the week, and in turn, no groceries.  So I have to make a quick list and get as few items as possible (likely no less than a mere 200 or so) to get us set to make it through the week.

A few weeks ago, I had picked up one of those pork tenderloins.  You know, (essentially) the marinated meat tubes packaged in plastic wrap.  Some can have a crazy amount of sodium so I always check to see which is the least and pick up that one.  Well, when I made this one several weeks ago, my 2.5 year old kid actually ate it.  He called it turkey sausage, but whatever, he ate it.  For him to eat a meat product that I make is damn near a miracle so I figured it was something we should try again.

So fast forward to last week, when I picked up a teriyaki version at Target.  Now, I remember several years ago, being at my mom and dad's and my mom made one of these things and we both giggled a little bit at how it looked a little "gross."  You know what I mean.  Real mature.  For whatever reason, the one I had picked up a few weeks back just didn't hit me that way.  It was fine, just a mere meat tube.  But this one.  This one was a little different.  I took it out of its packaging and put it in the casserole dish and just frowned at it a little bit.  Then I put it out of my mind.  I was just being silly and immature and this meat tube didn't look like anything other than a simple tube of meat.  Not that a tube of meat sounds all that appetizing, but still.  Tube of meat.  That's all it is.

I put it in the oven and went about preparing the rest of dinner, which, I can't even remember what that was, at this juncture.  When I went to take the pork tenderloin out of the oven, I kid you not, it looked like this:

Y'all.  I've been married almost 4 years.  I have 2 kids.  I'm no expert or anything but I think I can admit that I know what a penis looks like.  I bet you can, too.  And if not, let me tell you, it looks a whole lot like this.  My dinner.  The pork tenderloin that I'm about to feed my family looks just like I baked a giant penis in the oven.  Obviously, I had to take a picture and share it with a few friends, just to be sure and confirm that it did indeed look like a penis. Confirmed.  And then I cut it up into little pieces, and we ate it - my 2.5 year old, myself and my husband.  Gross.  

And now it's Sunday again, and I find myself contemplating what I'll make for dinner this week, because I'm pretty sure I won't be making this "easy" pork tenderloin again for a very long time.  What are you making for dinner this week?

 

my problem with Stitch Fix

"Our goal is to make shopping fun, effortless and empowering for busy women on the go.  We believe if you feel confident in how you look, it affects your life in positive ways.  From leading a meeting to laughing with loved ones, confidence has a way of boosting everything and everyone around you.  At Stitch Fix, we're here to make getting dressed simple and rewarding, so you can focus on being your best self."

This was made for someone like me.  Not that I ever had all that much fashion sense to begin with, but after two kids and a few extra pounds, I was left with no knowledge of how to dress my new shape and very little confidence. I really thought that stitch fix was coming to my rescue.  I was so excited to receive my first fix.  So excited.  I think I kept 3 of the 5 pieces.  It's not important, really.  I continued to get fixes and some were amazing, one was terrible and this last one was where I finally put it together - I felt like they were dressing me like a chubby skinny girl.  Like, if I were skinny, these clothes would look good on me.  They'd look good on anyone.  But at my size, and in my size, not so much.

I started to think about the whole process and how it works.  Ironically enough, I just did some bathing suit shopping recently, something every chubby girl enjoys.  I've been in this Healthy Mom Lifestylers group where we've been working a lot on diet, exercise, image, etc and I've been taking my measurements regularly.  So I went to order this bathing suit online and for once, I looked at the sizing info and actually ordered according to what my measurements were, not what size I thought I should be based on my self knowledge (it's clear I don't actually know myself at all, anymore).  And let me tell you, the numbers were frightening.  I've never ordered such big number sizes in my entire life.  And let me tell you something else.  That bathing suit arrived and I put it on and I've never felt better in a bathing suit since having my kids.  Even though I hadn't accepted the number size that I was, I felt beautiful and amazing.

And here is what I picture over at Stitch Fix.  I picture a skinny little fashion forward 20 something picking out my trendy outfits and just providing them in whatever size I say I am.  And here's the issue.  The size input is simply a number.  What is your pants size?  What is your shirt size?  Bra size?  Shoe size?  I can tell you right now sitting here that the shorts I'm wearing are a size 12, but I'm comfortable in size 10 jeans.  Nowhere was I asked to input my measurements and the things is, as women we all know that sizes are different based on brand, style, etc.  They sent me some Toms shoes in one of my fixes and they sent them in my shoe size.  Anyone who has purchased a pair of Toms knows that they run big so you need to order at least 1 size down. So that just makes it even more clear to me that they're not really using common sense while styling.

If I ran Stitch Fix, there would be an entirely different system.  There would be software.  I graduated with a degree in Textiles from North Carolina State University.  I know the software exists.  So there would be software that would require measurements and show what each body looks like.  If a woman is having trouble dressing her curves, let's explore her body shape and see how to make it look the most flattering. People study this.  People know this.  I don't, but people do.  Stitch Fix has several brands that are designed exclusively for them, so they really have the freedom to be making whatever they want, in whatever size, shape, style and color they want.

And here's the thing - with the extra weight that I'm carrying around, I feel like I should look to some plus sized stores to see what their models are wearing and how things look, to inspire me as to what I should be wearing.  Maybe I need to take a look at some magazines, some online publications, all of that.  Maybe I'm asking too much, but I think Stitch Fix should be doing this for me.  If a customer says she has extra belly weight and is uncomfortable as a result, pick out some middle flattering styles! Go back and ask Stacey and Clinton - get some rouching, color blocking, something.  Dress her for it!  If a woman is uncomfortable because of her flat chest, send her some giant necklaces and some tops with plunging necklines.  I don't know, I've always had huge boobs, I just assume that's what you do with a flat chest.  Uncomfortable with her thighs, well, this isn't my job, I don't know what kinds of things are flattering to shapely, no gap thighs, hence, why I signed up and asked for help in the first place.  This shouldn't be a one size fits all scene.  From what I've seen so far, that's really what it feels like.

These are some things I want for Stitch Fix.  I want to send a full body picture of myself.  I want to show you what I'm wearing currently and I want you to tell me what I should be wearing instead, to make me look my best.  Shoot, I'd even be willing to send you a picture of myself in my underwear so you can really see what my shape is like so you know how to dress it.  Birthing two children has clearly taken all of my modesty.  The only thing that gives me an option of uploading a picture is the app, and it needs to fit into this little circle shape, and this seems like a huge miss to me.  I want you to see my skin tone, my hair cut and color, how I wear makeup when I choose to, the length of my waist, all of it.  Next, I want you to shop for me based on my measurements. I think that things would be so much more likely to fit well this way.  Send me an XL instead of an L, if that's what will fit me.  I won't be upset, I'll be happy you made a decision and sent me something that fits my body.  Shit, for that matter, cut the size out - I can't go back and buy this stuff myself anyhow.  I don't need to know what size it is, I just need to know that it looks good on me and makes me feel beautiful.  I want you to really, truly listen when I say that I have two young kids and if you even consider sending me something that is 'Dry Clean Only' again, I will assume that we have made no progress and you don't know me at all.  My life is messy and does not get Dry Cleaned.  Please.  While we're at it, why not stick with one stylist per person?  That would give stylists a real shot at getting to know someone, instead of just getting to know them from feedback on previous fixes, picked out by other people.  Or here's a novel idea - how about pairing plus sized stylists with plus sized customers.  Do you have those? In the very least, just do your homework on how to dress every body shape and size instead of just "picking out cute clothes."

Clearly there is a need for this type of service.  When I initially signed up, there was a several month long wait list to get started (so I waited until after baby #2) and now you can typically get things within a few weeks of when you'd like.  So, I can see that you're responding to the demand.  And I'm not sure if this is part of the issue - maybe business is booming and so busy that the time simply isn't taken for each client and the staff can't keep up.  I'm not sure.  But what was promised to be a personalized experience, just didn't end up feeling like one and just left me feeling fatter and more self conscious than I was to begin with.  On a side note, I'd probably even be willing to pay a little money for a simple style guide on what I should be wearing, showcasing a model close to my size.  Just some food for thought.

Just a Thursday

So it started out like any other Thursday.  We got the baby up, we got the toddler up, Daddy took the toddler out to breakfast, which sounds as though we'd have some quiet time at home, but we do have a pretty loud baby, so, no such luck.  But this is normal.  Again, like any other Thursday.

I wanted to run some errands and wanted to put Ansley in the big kid part of the shopping cart at Target, for a few reasons - she's been doing a great job at sitting up lately and I had a bunch of stuff to get and didn't think I could fit it all in the seat part up top and underneath.  She was acting a little crabby and didn't want to take her nap so we took off.

I kept telling her that I wanted her to stay awake until we got to Target and then she could take a little nap on the way home.  She did.  And she continued to be a little crabby, even through her brand new vantage point in the top of the cart.  I thought for sure she'd be excited.  She was indifferent.  Maybe even a little annoyed.



So she complained and I kept telling her about how much fun we were having and all of a sudden, in the middle of the accent rug aisle, as I was trying to decide between an $8.99 synthetic feeling rug vs. a $14.99 more natural feeling rug that may come apart after a month of feet walking on it, she spits up.  Oopsie.  Just a little bit.  It's ok.  Oh shit.  There's more.  Ok.  It's ok, it's ok.  And it just keeps coming.  And all I can do is just stand there and watch in horror as she barfs all over herself - her shirt and her little skinny jeans and all over the inside of the shopping cart insert, making a little puddle.  After what seemed like an eternity, that was probably no longer than a minute or so, she was done and put out her bottom lip and told me again about how she didn't feel good (but felt much better now, thank you).  And I'm standing there and I'm completely dumfounded.  I really have no idea what to do.  Six months into my second kid and this has never happened to me before.  My cart has all kinds of stuff in it - I've got jumbo packages of toilet paper and paper towels shoved underneath, I've got hand weights and a stability ball and pajamas for Ayden and some M&Ms for Nishant and I ask her to just be quiet for just a second so I can think about what I'm going to do next.

Did I mention that I didn't have my diaper bag with me?  Of course I didn't.  I'm a pro at this thing and we were only going to be out for a minute.  I had a spare cloth diaper and some actual diapers and some wipes.  Had I been quicker on my feet, maybe I could have gotten her to barf directly into a diaper for easy clean up and disposal but I think I would have to be some kind of mom ninja to pull that off.  So I think about it for the split second that I have and decide that I have to just leave.  Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.  There's vomit everywhere.  I can't pull her out of the seat because then vomit will get all over me and probably drip all over the floor.  So in an effort to contain it, I pull out the entire cart insert, with her inside, and prop it up on my hip.  Then I stand there and look at my cart full of stuff.  I can't wait in line, I can't get it in my car.  But I also can't just leave it here in the accent rug aisle.  Ok, so the plan is to get out as quickly as possible and as soon as I see someone that works there to give them the quick story so I'm not that jerk that just left my cart full of stuff.

So I'm walking and I'm starting to feel a wet spot on my sleeve.  I have no idea what it looks like from the outside.  I can only imagine a big smelly wet spot, that's growing.  Time is of the essence.  Must get to the car, now.  Finally, I see someone working the fitting rooms next to the ladies section.  She sort of attempts to ask me if I need help,  I'm assuming from the look of sheer panic on my face and I push the cart over towards her one handed and tell her, "I have to leave, right now.  She threw up all over the place.  I just have to leave.  I can't put any of my stuff back.  I just wanted to make sure I told someone." And then basically I just turned and fled and didn't give her the opportunity to tell me that wasn't ok.

And then I get to the car and realize I don't have anything else to help the situation - no extra clothes, no blankets, no nothing.  What kind of amateur doesn't have anything like that in the car?  Jesus.  So I lay her out in the back and get off everything that's been barfed on, which leaves her in  her diaper and socks.  I'm standing there in the parking lot.  Think.  Think.  What can I do?  I remember one time when Ayden threw up in the car and after he went through his spare outfit I ended up putting him in my tank top, somehow.  So I take off my shirt, since I have on two and start to try to put it on her and it's so ridiculous that I take it back off and try to think of a way I can inconspicuously remove my tank top without standing in the Target parking lot in my bra on New Year's Eve.  No way.  So I stick her back in her carseat as is, in her diaper and socks and cover her up with my shirt, as a blanket.  Poor little thing was happy as a clam the whole way home.

So, that was my day - how was yours?

No One Tells You...My List

I'll start by saying that becoming a mom has been the hardest thing I've ever done.  And then I had a second baby and that quickly became the new, hardest thing I've ever done.  I cried the night before my husband went back to work.  All I wanted him to do was tell me that it was going to be ok and that I was perfectly capable and that I could do it and it just pissed off my new mom hormones that I had to tell him that I needed to hear that.  It was so obvious to him that I would be ok and be able to handle it that he didn't feel the need to say it out loud.  That helped a little.  A little. We all lived to tell the story.  How's that?

I'm still sort of laughing at how hard I thought it was being a mom to one kid, though I don't at all want to downplay how hard and how intense the transition is from zero to one.  But once you've been through it once, you at least have a little bit of a clue.  Hopefully.  Being a parent is so hard.  It's so hard and so important and yet somehow kids are the one thing that don't come with any sort of owner's manual.  Sure, there are books.  But to that point, there are books.  There are so, so many books.  Which ones do you read, which ones do you believe, does it make a difference which ones your friends read?  Some of your friends have bratty kids.  Maybe you don't want to read the books they read.  Your kids will be different, anyhow.  Your kids won't be bratty.  Your kids won't throw tantrums in restaurants.  If they do, that's the last time you'll be going out to eat, that's for damn sure! You'll show those kids!  That reminds me of something else.  With one kid, you're acutely aware of the level of noise coming out of your child.  You probably blush, you're probably a little bit embarrassed, you may apologize to those around you for disturbing the peace.  By kid two, you no longer hear the noise.  I used to wonder about those moms with multiple children that were screaming out in public.  Doesn't she hear them?  No, she doesn't, actually.  Something in your brain allows you to mute it out so that you can think straight for five minutes and get the freaking laundry detergent and toilet paper that you keep forgetting to pick up every time you're at the God forsaken store!  Once there's more than one, it's that much more likely that someone will be upset at any given hour, if not everyone at once.  Christ.  We have been out to eat with a screaming child who won't sit down so someone has to stand and eat their meal.  We have given bigger tips based on the amount of french fries we're leaving on the floor.  We have let our child eat french fries for dinner.  We have rewarded this shit behavior with ice cream because we just didn't feel like waiting until after bedtime.

Shew, anyhow, I digress.  If you are one of these new moms, or even a seasoned mom, you've likely seen those lists of "things no one tells you..." and you giggle a little if you've already been there and you read the list in horror if you're getting ready to be there.  So this is my list, to add to the table, for what it's worth.

I'll warn you that it gets a little personal, but we're all moms, so we've all been there...

1. Sleep deprivation does crazy things to you.  You know, right?  You've been to college and pulled all nighters.  You are perfectly capable of functioning on little to no sleep.  You're not in college, anymore.  It's not the same, at all.  For me, lack of sleep caused me to hallucinate.  Like, for real, hallucinate.  With my first baby, I would barely fall asleep and then wake up panicked thinking that I fell asleep nursing and the baby was in the bed and I might roll over on him or that the nipple shield was missing and had rolled under the bed and I needed to find it RIGHT NOW.  I'd start patting the bed down hysterically and wake up my snoring (sleeping peacefully with no hallucinations) husband.  Nope.  The baby was swaddled and asleep in the crib next to the bed and the nipple shield was on the nightstand, right where I left it.  Right where I left it every time.  Relax.  You can sleep.  For another 5 minutes until the baby decides it's hungry, AGAIN.  Jesus.  Does this thing eat all the time or what?!  Yes, it does.

With my second baby, during one middle of the night feed, I was changing a diaper and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I really thought I saw something move on my chest.  The first thought that occurred to me was that it must be an ant.  OH MY GOD, WHERE DID THIS ANT COME FROM?!  I sensed that it wasn't real and slowly put my finger down on it.  It wasn't an ant.  It was one of my moles and it was completely stationary.  Trippy stuff.  Sleep deprivation is no joke.

2. The only reason your baby looks the gender that it is, is because you know it's that gender.  I'm serious.  There are some homely baby girls and some pretty baby boys.  Dress your kid head to toe in clothes of the opposite sex and take a long objective look.  Now, don't be offended when strangers don't know what your baby is, even if he is dressed all in blue or she has on five bright pink hair bows.  I'm not sure what the cutoff point is, but up until at least 3 months, the baby really doesn't look like one gender or the other.  It just looks like a baby.  Oh no, not my baby.  Yes, your baby, too.

3. Breastmilk is the female equivalent of semen.  Now, let me start by saying that I breastfeed my babies.  I'm fortunate in that breastfeeding comes easily to me.  I nursed my first for a year and have the same plans for this one.  We are 4 months in and going strong.  I produce enough milk, don't have to restrict my diet, babies are big, fat and happy.  So I am pro-breast milk and still believe this fact to be true.  But it's not this way for everyone and formula isn't poison (though formula may be just as semen-like when you see my point).  Back to my original point.  If you're breastfeeding, you will leak milk everywhere in the beginning.  You may feel it, you may not, but I don't think you've really made it as a breastfeeding mom until you've soaked big wet spots in at least one shirt, through your breast pads, through your bra.  Yuck.  And this is where it's gross.  It leaves a stain.  A nasty, smelly, stiff, off color stain.  It smells whether it came straight out of your boob or if it came back out the baby's mouth.  It's tricky because sometimes it doesn't smell at first.  If you're nursing on a pillow or a boppy or something like that, you may want to put a cloth diaper or burp cloth under the baby's head for the inevitable dribble.  The cover will get wet and then later will smell.  Just like when semen gets on things.  We've all conceived and birthed a baby.  We should be able to agree that we all know a thing or two about semen.  But that's why we have washing machines.  It all comes out, dirty things are clean again (unless it's mustard, which isn't related to breastmilk at all, but my 2 year old loves mustard and is a messy eater, and we've already discussed why I can't complete a single, uninterrupted thought in my brain).  After a few months, things regulate and you don't leak as much, although you may have a spitter for a baby and really, that's no better.  Maybe even worse.  Just don't wear nice shirts at home.  Shoot.  Nice outfits.  And if you get one dirty, you might as well just leave it on because the surefire way to get spit up on again is by changing into a clean shirt.

4. Moms are assholes.  They are.  We are.  And you know, I have to believe in my heart that no one really means to be an asshole, but sometimes it just happens.  It's like the instant you become pregnant, you become part of this mom tribe.  And the problem with the tribe is that, as mentioned previously, there are millions of different ways to raise children, but it would seem that every single mom in the tribe thinks that her way is the best.  Of course she does, because that's how she is doing things.  And then you will find that there are different levels of vocal moms who believe their way is the best way and the only way and that's where we become assholes.  Some of us just can't keep our mouths shut and leave well enough alone when it comes to disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers, homemade organic baby food vs. the good ole jar food, car seat positioning, crying it out (CIO in tribe shorthand), co-sleeping and certainly not last or least, but vaccinating.  We look down on other moms who clearly haven't done all their research and are (in our opinion) endangering their children and just not doing it right! Don't they know?! Maybe they don't!  Maybe I should tell them!  You see how this can get out of hand.  The other issue is that they really let anyone get a blog these days (ha, case in point) and all those people can put whatever they want to on the internet and they can declare it true and divine and it's all up to us to believe it or find time to do enough of our own internet research to be able to earn a doctorate and prove it right or wrong or indifferent.  Exhausting.  At the end of the day, we're all trying our best.  And to the 10 or so people that will read this, I just have one plea.  We have this ongoing issue with self esteem and bullying that just doesn't seem to go away.  So can we all just try to not be assholes and not raise our kids to be assholes?  If we could start there, that would at least be something.

5. Your body will never be the same.  Oh, you've heard this one?  Yeah, I had too but somehow still didn't believe it.  And then somehow, as different as your body is after 1, it's different in a new way after 2.  Can't we get a little break?!  You may weigh exactly the same but all of a sudden, your pants don't fit and your shirts just don't look the same.  Just recently, I finally got rid of some of my old halter tops.  Not to say that moms can never wear halter tops but let's be honest - maybe as a mom of two, I no longer need to be wearing the same halter tops I was wearing in my 20's even if they do fit again (they don't).  Dieting and exercise will come in time, but for now, I'm just trying to make sure my baby gets enough to eat and I'm not showing anyone the belly panel on the maternity pants I'm still wearing.  And it's weird and awkward because you're this new shape that you've never been before and you may not know how to dress it.  I'm still struggling with that, to be honest.  It's like I need to start a whole new research project on how my new size is supposed to dress and look the most flattering.  You know, for the two or three times I get dressed enough to leave the house.  Add it to the list of things to do after the kids go to bed.  Otherwise, it's leggings, tank tops and zip up hoodies.  This outfit may also double as an emergency grocery store outfit.  It really depends on the day.  If you see me and I don't make eye contact, just let it go and walk on by.

And the things that people consistently tell you is that parenthood, especially motherhood, changes you.  Man, does it change you.  And it probably ages you as much as it changes you because really, this shit is exhausting.  Whether you're doing it at home all the time or doing it along side a full time job, it's just hard.  It's hard to know if you're getting it right or screwing things up almost every single day.  Some days I laugh and some days I cry, but each day does have an end and each new day brings those big bright eyes that look to you for guidance and love - or maybe it's just food and clean pants.  If we can at least start with food and clean pants (for everyone), I think we're at least doing something right.

I Just Want to Complain, But I Won't...

Sometimes.  Really, sometimes I just want to whine and complain about how tough this mom gig really is and how exhausted I am every single day.  Then I remember that I chose this.  I remember that I haven't had a corporate job that I actually enjoyed in I don't even know how long and that I really am exactly where I want to be.  We all still have tough days - corporate, mom taxi or otherwise.  That being said, I thought it would be a little bit funny if I reworded my complaints into things that I'm thankful for.  Because, at the end of the day, all we really want are healthy, happy and well rounded kids, right?

1. I'm thankful that you love the water - maybe you'll be a swimmer some day.  I must tell you, though, I don't think that playing in the dog water OR the toilet will get you there.  But please, discover.

2. I'm thankful for your refined palette and your desire to put absolutely anything and everything in your mouth.  It's not always the food I cook for you - but everything else goes in there with such zeal and excitement that maybe you're destined to be a food critic, or in the very least, a good cook like your dad, which is better than what I can do, at least at the moment. 

3. I love that you have a strong throwing arm, tossing toys (and food) this way and that.  That's all.  You're very good at throwing things.

4. I'm glad that you value clean dishes and want to know exactly how the dishwasher works - by either removing all dishes and silverware (see #3) or by simply climbing inside to get a better look.

5. You must value leftovers since you rearrange the Tupperware cabinet time and time again. I love Tupperware, too buddy.  Tupperware and nesting bowls.

6. Though I don't always want to admit it, I do find your sense of humor quite funny, especially when you toss food over your shoulder when you're done with it or when you dribble milk out of your mouth all over yourself and the floor.  Mazu, the dog, is thankful for this as well.  He loves milk - on the floor, in the carpet, on your face.

7. I love that you're already reaching for the stars, by climbing up the stairs every opportunity you get. 

8. Your ability to function on such a small amount of sleep makes college students envious.  Naps are for babies!

9. I'm thankful that we, along with our friends and family, are financially able to purchase you so many nice toys.  I will be more thankful when you actually pay attention to them, instead of wanting to play with every other thing that is NOT in fact a toy for you.

10. I absolutely love that you're so curious and that you never stop moving for even a minute (like a mommy bathroom break - see #s 1, 2, 7 and 9).  I love that you're always learning and growing and so, so busy. 

But mostly, though, in all seriousness, I am so thankful that I get to be at home with you and be your mom.  I'm thankful that I'm the one changing your diapers and I'm the one that's giving you an ice pack for that bloody lip from tripping and falling over, yet again.  I'm thankful for the smiles and the giggles, especially when you're cuddled up on the dog beds.  I'm even thankful for the complaining and the resistance because that shows that you're headstrong and have thoughts of your own even at this ripe old age of 13 months.  I'm thankful that you come over just to sit close to me, while sucking your thumb and rubbing my arm or leg.  Most days, I feel a little crazy and a little lost and wonder if I'm doing any of this right at all.  And as much as I feel like complaining some days, I'm also so very thankful.

Food Logs Don't Change Unless You Do

So I've learned something from logging my food for the last month or so.  Logging your food doesn't help you to lose weight.  I know that sounds a little silly but it's going to sound even sillier when I explain why.  I've been logging my food for this whole time and I've been clearly deficient in certain areas and I just continue to do the same old thing and not improve on the areas that I'm deficient in.  The worst.  I gather that you don't really care all that much what exactly I'm eating, aside from the fact that I haven't told you in over a week all of a sudden, and I simply can't take that much time to tell you.  I'll give you the highlights.

Sunday, August 3

We remade the cheesy salmon this night but diced the onion instead of cutting it in rings - big improvement.  We also put some of our home grown jalapenos under the cheese which made it so, so spicy. (Picture is linked) 



Then we made these sweet potatoes that are supposed to be all sweet and delicious but we added some cayenne pepper to give a little kick. (Picture is linked)



The whole meal basically kicked us in the face with no relief until the baklava and oops, a little ice cream. 

Carbs: 4/6
Protein: 5.5/6
Fruit: 2/3
Fat: 4/3
Veg: 4/4.5

Monday, August 4

We made some really good coconut lime chicken this night.  This stuff is definitely worth it! 

http://menumusings.blogspot.com/2013/02/coconut-lime-chicken.html

Also had some of that caramelized broccoli - a now staple in this house.

Carbs: 5/6
Protein: 6/6
Fruit: 2/3
Fat: 2/3
Veg: 2/4.5

Only got enough protein this day.  It's hard sometimes to keep a balance.  Ok, it's hard a lot of times. 

Tuesday, August 5

Nishant made some fish tacos this night.  They were better than the ones we tried to make when we found out our cornmeal was way way expired.  Avocado and tartar sauce took the fats over the edge.

Carbs: 6.5/6
Protein: 7.5/6
Fruit: 1/3
Fat: 5/3
Veg: 2.5/4.5

I can do better on the fruit, really.  The vegetables, well, we're still figuring that out.

Wednesday, August 6

This was almost a rock star day, but French fries put us over on fat and we didn't get enough vegetables...again.

I did get a turkey burger instead of a regular burger and it was actually fantastic.  It can be hard to find a good turkey burger but I would definitely order this one again.

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 6/6
Fruit: 3/3
Fat: 5/3 - oops
Veg: 2/4.5

Thursday, August 7

This is the day that first got me to thinking that logging food doesn't help unless you make changes based on said logs.  We ordered in pizza and although I ordered the veggie pizza with extra veggies, it still had a bunch of cheese and I still ate the whole thing, when I probably could have been satisfied with half, had I added in some hot tea or something.

This is also the day that the "healthy" peanut butter cups entered into my life.  Mom, this reminds me a little of that "fudge" that you made on one of your diets.  I think you'd love these.  I love them and have the sisters of one of my childhood friends to thank.  My husband is on the fence, partly because reese cups are his favorite food.  And that's why we're all on a diet...



Carbs: 9/6
Protein: 9/6
Fruit: 3/3
Fat: 3/3
Veg: 2/4.5

Friday, August 8

Ice cream counts as a protein, right?

Carbs: 2/6 - what the heck, I love carbs!  Maybe I was feeling guilty from the carb overload the day before
Protein: 7/6
Fruit: 2/3
Fat: 2/3
Veg: 3/4.5

Saturday, August 9

More fish tacos - daddy is really getting good at these!

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 7/6
Fruit: 1/3 - really, I can do better than that
Fat: 2/3
Veg: 3/4.5 - 3 out of 4.5 two days in a row - I'd consider that a success!  Possibly, that's why I'm not totally succeeding at this.

Sunday, August 10

Oh no, Chinese food again.  I just gave up counting.  Let's see, I had an avocado roll, which would be 1 fat and 1 carb, most likely.  I had some pot stickers, 1/2 an order, so maybe 1 carb and 1 protein?  I had some rice, which would be 1 "rarely" carb since it was fried rice (the BEST kind, I mean, come on) and also some chicken and veggies, which I would guess at 2 proteins and let's be generous and say 2 vegetables.

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 7/6
Fruit: 2.5/3 - I would have had the whole amount but my peach was half rotten
Fat: 3/3 - but likely more from that fried avocado roll - so maybe 4/3
Veg: 3/4.5

Ok, it could have been worse, for sure, but still could have been better.

Monday, August 11

It's still funny to me that salmon is now a staple at our house.  A year ago, if you told me I'd be eating salmon twice a week, I would have scrunched up my nose and shook my head.  I feel grown up - my husband says that beans are next (which I do NOT like, at all) but I'm not sure I'm that grown up.

We also had these awesome Brussels Sprouts with dinner.  I've adapted the recipe slightly and am going to figure out how to post it and link it up for you - you'll love it!  In the meantime, here it is in its original form.


http://peaceloveandlowcarb.com/2014/03/balsamic-roasted-brussels-sprouts-with-maple-bacon.html

Carbs: 3/6
Protein: 6/6
Fruit: 2/3
Fat: 2/3
Veg: 3/4.5 - seriously, I'm on a roll getting at least 3 servings of vegetables.  Here from where I was is big progress!

Tuesday, August 12 - happy birthday Katie Ziegler!

I put my long time veggie shortage into action today and made a green smoothie as one of my snacks.  The only problem is that I usually make the smoothie with 1 cup of fruit juice and the book says no juice.  Basically, no juice ever.  So, I list it on my little piece of paper and it just looks lost with no discernible label, whatsoever.  An alternative to the juice is soy milk so I'm going to try that once I get some from the store.  In my smoothie today, I did 1/2 cup juice and 1/2 cup water and it was still palatable so we'll see.  If I could get some soy milk in there, though, I'd also have a protein instead of just an uncountable value.

This is how I make my smoothies:


And yes, I realize it says that you can just use water for your liquid but I was worried that going from straight juice to straight water might be too much all at once.  I mean, I'm pretty sure that juice is part of what makes blended spinach so tasty.

Oh and we had these spinach, mushroom and avocado quesadillas for dinner - so good and more veggie servings and I made my own salsa!  Just call me Betty Crocker!  We ended the day pretty well, really.





Adapted slightly but this is basically what I did.

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 7/6
Fruit: 3/3
Fat: 3/3
Veg: 5/4.5 - WHAT?!  Awesome - juice or not, vegetable minimum reached!

Like White on Rice

So it's been an eventful week/weekend of the baby not sleeping.  It may be due to the pending arrival of his first tooth - on TOP!  So cute - he's going to look like a little hillbilly.  Mostly babies get two teeth on the bottom first, but not this guy.  And it is a good thing he's cute with all the middle of the night awakenings lately.  I'm still tired, in case anyone was wondering.  So tired.  It's official that I don't even remember the last time I wasn't at least a little bit tired.  Anyway, so you want to know what I've been eating?  It's been good, bad and ugly and coincidentally, that's a little bit how I feel as a result. 

Tuesday was pretty much a rock star day.  Even though I was tired, I can't believe I didn't want to brag about it right then and there!

8:00 am
Oatmeal - this must have been leftover baked oatmeal and we're counting it as the usual,
1 "always" carb
1 "thumbs up" protein
1 fruit
1 fat

11:45 am
Apple - 1 fruit
Peanut Butter - 1 Tablespoon - 1 fat

12:15 pm - leftover chicken pot pie
Crust - 2 "rarely" carbs
Chicken - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Vegetables - 1 veg
1/2 Plum - 1/2 fruit

3:30 pm
Whole Wheat Tortilla Chips - 1 serving - 1 "sometimes" carb
Guacamole - a small amount (but probably more than I realize since I didn't measure) - 1 (or so) fat

4:45 pm
String Cheese - 1 "thumbs up" protein

5:15 pm
Broccoli and Sweet Potatoes that the baby didn't want to eat - 2 veg

7:00 pm
Scrambled eggs with cheese - 3 "thumbs up" proteins
Whole Wheat English Muffin - 2 "always" carbs
Fruit - assorted cherries, grapes and blueberries - 1.5 fruits

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 6/6
Fruit: 4/3
Fat: 3/3
Veg: 3/4.5

See, pretty rock star day, overall.

Wednesday wasn't bad.  I didn't get enough fats in that day.  I feel as though my body should have enough on reserve that I shouldn't have to eat it every day, but that would be directly disproving the book and I'm not trying to do anything crazy like that.  It's all about balance and in all likelihood, I did have those fats somewhere and just didn't know to count them.  Let's be honest.

7:50 am
Greek Yogurt - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Banana - 1 fruit

10:55 am
Whole Wheat English Muffin - 2 "always" carbs
Peanut Butter - 1 Tablespoon - 1 fat
Apple - 1 fruit

12:30 pm - leftover chicken pot pie and some extra carrots
2 "rarely" carbs
1 "thumbs up" protein
2 veg

4:15 pm
String Cheese - 1 "thumbs up" protein

Still hungry.

4:45 pm
Popcorn - 3 cups - 1 "always" carb

7:30 pm
Cheese and Crackers - I came down from putting the baby to bed and these were out on the counter - I can't resist cheese and crackers.
Crackers - 1 "rarely" carb, since they weren't whole wheat or anything like that
Cheese - 1 protein - I won't call it thumbs up because it wasn't low fat, which made it SO tasty.

I made dinner and it was gross.  This chicken was just way too easy.  I should have known.  It looked good and with a name like Baked Garlic Brown Sugar Chicken, I thought it would be delicious.

In addition to being gross, it also caked my casserole dish with char that took me basically the entire next day to get off. 

Then I made this zucchini, which had so much promise - it was from the same blog as the zucchini and corn side dish I made the other week that was so delicious, but it really didn't have much flavor.  I choked it down to get in my veggie count but will not be making it again.  Don't be fooled by how yummy it looks.


Luckily, I had picked up some baklava and we had that for dessert.  You may notice that we have baklava a lot.  Before this diet, we had been on a Mediterranean diet for a hot minute and it boasted about baklava being an ok dessert of choice - and our local international farmer's market has some very good baklava.  Excellent.  I tried to eat most of my chicken just to get my protein for the day but just couldn't quite do it.

So for dinner,
Chicken - 1.5 "thumbs up" proteins
Zucchini - 2 veg
Baklava - 1 "rarely" carb

Which brings our daily totals to,
Carbs: 7/6
Protein: 5.5/6
Fruit: 2/3
Fat: 1/3 - probably one more because of the baklava and the nuts
Veg: 4/4.5 - we're getting there!

Thursday, yikes, I didn't even tally up totals for this day.  It must have been bad.  We ordered in sushi for dinner.  I didn't ask if they could use brown rice, but should have.  Maybe next time.

That's where I fell off the wagon, like white on rice, literally.

7:45 am
Greek Yogurt - 1 "thumbs up" protein

9:45 am
String Cheese - 1 "thumbs up" protein

11:45 am
Whole Wheat English Muffin - 2 "always" carbs
Peanut Butter - 1 Tablespoon - 1 fat
Banana - 1 fruit

2:30 pm
Cheerios - dry, 1 cup-ish.  I was trying to share with the baby and messiness ensued but I did get a little snack at least. - 1 "always" carb

3:50 pm
Apricots - 4 - 1 fruit

5:00 pm
Grapes - 1 cup-ish - 1 fruit

8:00 pm
Pot Stickers - steamed - 1/2 an order (3)
I'm guessing 1 "rarely" carb and 1/2 protein for whatever meat is inside (I'm honestly not sure, but it's delicious, which probably makes it a perilous protein)

Sushi galore with shrimp, tuna, avocado, cucumbers (but no cream cheese, which I LOVE in sushi)
2 "rarely" carbs
1 fat
1 veg
2 "thumbs up" proteins

I probably didn't tally the sushi correctly because as a whole, aside from the lack of veggies, yet again, the scoreboard doesn't look terrible.

Carbs: 6/6
Protein: 4.5/6
Fruit: 3/3
Fat: 2/3
Veg: 1/4.5

I got things back under control on Friday, partly because I knew we were having calzones for dinner.  This day, I tried a new version of that squash and corn side dish more specifically geared towards the baby.  He loved it, but I think it still needs some tweaking.  I won't post it for you until it's better!

8:30 am - this probably means the baby didn't sleep all night since I'm usually breaking the fast before 8 am.  Awesome way to start the day!
Greek Yogurt - 1 "thumbs up" protein

11:25 am
Oatmeal - 1/2 cup - 1 "always" carb
Milk - 3/4 cup - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Blueberries - 1/2 cup - 1 fruit
Walnuts - 2 Tablespoons - 1 fat

1:30 pm
Squash and Zucchini - 2 cups - 2 veg
Grilled Cheese Crust - we're eating with a baby here - 1 "always" carb?
String Cheese (plus whatever small amount of cheese was melted in the crust) - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Banana - 1 fruit
Peanut Butter - 1 Tablespoon - 1 fat

The vegetables are cooked in some olive oil so I'm guessing they should also be counted as at least 1/2 a fat serving.

4:30 pm
Peach - 1 fruit

Still hungry

4:45 pm
Popcorn - 3 cups - 1 "always" carb

9:00 pm dinner - this was a stressful evening - I went to get my hair done and daddy was in charge of putting the baby to bed and tried with all his might but couldn't get him to take a bottle so he was awake and waiting for me when I got home at 8:45 so I could nurse him and put him to bed.

Calzone Crust - 4 "rarely" carbs - not even a little bit whole wheat
Cheese - I wasn't there to measure but I'm guessing 2 "thumbs up" proteins
Mushroom, Onion, Sauce - 1 veg
Pepperoni - this isn't even listed in the index of my book - 1 fat?
Pesto - 1 fat

But it sure was tasty.  Love a good calzone.

Carbs: 7/6
Protein: 5/6
Fruit: 3/3
Fat: 4.5/3
Veg: 3/4.5

On to the rest of the weekend.

Saturday wasn't a bad day but I ended up short on carbs, fruit and veggies, of course.

7:30 am
Greek Yogurt - 1 "thumbs up" protein

9:30 am - we actually put the baby in the stroller and walked down the street to the donut shop - it was about 1.35 miles total, which I know doesn't even begin to counteract the donut but we'll just call it 2 "rarely" carbs

12:00 pm
Oatmeal - 1/2 cup - 1 "always" carb
Milk - 3/4 cup - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Strawberries - 1/2 cup sliced - 1 fruit
Walnuts - 2 Tablespoons - 1 fat

We went to Gymboree and then afterwards we were all really hungry so we went by the Whole Foods to pick up some late lunch.

2:00 pm
Salmon - so sad, this salmon was tough and gross - I ate as much as I could, which wasn't much - 1/2 protein
Green Beans - 1 veg
Spicy Cheddar Mashed Sweet Potatoes - 1 veg - maybe 1 protein as well?  This is what happens when you don't make your own food.

5:00 pm - I had a total hankering for some deviled eggs and my super sweet husband obliged.  Not a terrible choice but I ate too many - I total it up to 3 total eggs - 3 proteins and probably 1 fat

8:00 pm - we ordered in Mediterranean
Hummus - around 3 Tablespoons worth - 1 fat
Chicken - 1 "thumbs up" protein
Baba Ganoush - 1 veg?
Pita - 1 "rarely" carb
French Fries - oops, there those are again - 1 veg, 1 fat?

Carbs: 4/6
Protein: 7/6
Fruit: 1/3
Fat: 3/3
Veg: 3/4.5

Probably shouldn't have had those deviled eggs.